Let’s talk about sex, with yourself. Wanking. Tossing the salad. Flicking the bean, if you will.

Masturbation is a gift sent from the heavens above (and we’re not even religious). It’s great for you. It makes you feel good. It’s free from the risk of pregnancy or STIs. And it’s free. In this economy? What the hell.

From a mental perspective, masturbation is said to improve self esteem, focus and concentration, and even boost your mood. The broad range of physiological effects of masturbation are also known. They include everything from hormone and chemical release (of which there’s a huge list including dopamine and endorphins) to improved sleep and reduced stress and anxiety.

With the benefits stacking up (as they do with sex in a more general sense), it’s not odd to wonder why we don’t all masturbate daily – or even twice daily. But like all things, too much of a good thing isn’t always a good thing.

So how often should you masturbate?

Clinical psychologist Kate O’Connor says there’s no ultimate number of how often people should masturbate, but there’s definitely a guide to understanding whether it’s serving you or not.

“I know this isn’t the answer that people are looking for, but it really comes down to the person and where you’re at,” she says.

“If you just came out of a break up and you’re rediscovering you and what makes you feel good, daily masturbation could be really healthy and positive for your overall health and wellbeing.

“On the contrary, if you’re finding yourself being anti-social, avoiding people and choosing to isolate and masturbating increasingly instead of attending social events, it could be limiting your overall wellbeing.”

Kate says that like anything, it’s really about the how and the why.

“Think about money, for example. You can spend money to buy something that enriches your life, or the same amount of money to buy something that does the opposite,” she says.

“I think we need to start thinking about masturbation in a similar way, as an inherently ‘neutral’ behaviour that we can utilise for good or for ill.”

Self pleasure can be an opportunity to cultivate greater intimacy with yourself, become more connected to and alive in your body and to learn about what feels good to you.

Kate says it can help you relax, or even to move through and process emotions like sadness or grief. Lots of people report experiencing big rushes of emotion or even crying following orgasm if they’re at the brink of a personal breakthrough or working through something in their broader lives.

“Equally though, we can also masturbate mindlessly, as a distraction, in a way that perpetuates feeling disconnected and even as a means of dissociating and avoiding ourselves and how we’re really feeling,” she says.

Flicking the switch on our view of masturbation

A study conducted in the US in 2015 found that 64% of men and 40.8% of women had masturbated in the past month. Considering the health and wellness benefits of the act, we don’t see why that number shouldn’t be 100% for all sexes.

In terms of frequency, a quarter of women say they masturbate weekly, and a quarter do it 2-3 times a week, according to a study conducted in Germany in 2019. And the stats are similar for men.

Kate says we should pay a bit more attention to how we feel when we masturbate.

“Be curious about yourself – it’s easy to disconnect who you are when you’re masturbating from who you are the rest of the time, but it’s all you.

“If you’re drawn to particular kinds of touch, fantasies, or even certain kinds of pornography, just notice this – there might be some clues here to what’s going on if you’re feeling like something’s out of balance, either in your relationship with masturbation and with your body, your relationships with others, or life in generally.”

If you feel like you’re lacking inspiration in this department, there’s tools like with the Wheel of Foreplay and OMGYes to help get the creative juices flowing.

Feel like you’ve got a problem?

If you do feel like the amount you are masturbating is excessive or interrupting your ability to do life or engage in sexual intercourse with a partner – there’s a few ways to avoid engaging in the act.

Change your routine – it’s likely that if you’re masturbating a lot it’s built into your routine. Try changing up the order that you do things so that you replace that act with another. For example, instead of waking up in the morning and masturbating, try getting up and going for a walk or run to get a similar mental boost.

Remove the stimulus – a lot of the time, masturbation is linked to varied stimulus, from watching pornography to reading forums or even watching TV in general. Avoid engaging in this type of activity and replace it with something else.

Talk to your GP – sometimes the reason we get attached to certain feeling or processes can be linked to other health issues. Get help from a mental health professional or doctor who specialises in sexual health or talk to your GP for advice.