You’ve just created a tiny human. Congrats, that’s amazing. Between the sleepless night, dirty diapers and piles of washing, you might be eager to jump back between the sheets.
We talked to physiotherapist Alex Mackay, from Ironside Sports and Physiotherapy, who has extensive knowledge on pre- and post-natal care, to get to the bottom of everything you need to know before heading to the bedroom.
How long after giving birth can you have sex safely?
While a range of factors will play into how long post bubba you can safely have sex, Alex says the answer is actually really simple – you can have sex as soon as you feel ready.
“For some new mums it takes only a week or two, while others may take a year or more before they feel comfortable,” Alex says.
“The type of birth you have and your birthing experience will have a significant impact on how soon you want to be intimate with your partner. The added emotional toll of having a newborn, not to mention the exhaustion are all factors, but as soon as you are ready to get busy, get busy.”
The type of birth you have and your birthing experience will have a significant impact on how soon you want to be intimate with your partner.
With this in mind, there are still some safe-sex guidelines that should be followed. Alex has outlined the three things you need to take into consideration:
- If you had a natural birth it is recommended that you wait at least six weeks before having penetrative intercourse. The level of vaginal sensation will be different and your pregnancy hormones still going crazy can leave everything a bit drier than what you’re used to.
- If you had any tearing during your labour this has to be taken into account, the more significant the tear, for example grade four or five, will mean you do have to wait longer to have sex. The risk of infection and the trauma to the pelvic floor still needs some time to recover. Your physio/obstetrician will be able to help guide you and your specific case.
- If you had a planned c-section, while vaginally everything may feel the same, remember that your pelvic floor has had to deal with carrying the bub for nine months and you do have an abdominal incision to look after.
How should you approach having sex post-birth?
So we all know you you’ve figured out the mechanics of having sex, you did do the baby making after all. But things can’t and won’t just go back to how you were getting it on pre-baby right away.
“In one simple word, gently. The best advice is that before you’re intimate with your partner again, take some ‘me’ time. Explore your body and work out what still works for you and what you need from your partner to take it slowly,” Alex says.
“There will always be time to get back into it, so there is no need to rush. If you’re feeling ready to have sex, then it’s a good sign that your body is probably ready too. Just make sure that your partner is aware that you may decide quickly to turn a sheets session into more of a comfort cuddle.
If you’re feeling ready to have sex, then it’s a good sign that your body is probably ready too. Just make sure that your partner is aware that you may decide quickly to turn a sheets session into more of a comfort cuddle.
“The other important takeaway is lube, and lots of it. If you were not using lube beforehand you were missing out, but after bub it is one of the most important ingredients to having fantastic post-birth sex.”
Why you should see a physio after giving birth
You’ve had a simple birth all things considered, but does that mean you can just get on with things? The answer is no.
“If you’ve had a simple birth like natural or a scheduled c-section, with no trauma or tearing, then you may think you can skip the sex talk with the physio, but honestly don’t,” Alex says.
“It is important to ensure you do look after your pelvic floor going forward and it actually will improve your sex for a long time to come. Believe it or not a good pelvic floor will make sex better.
“A physio will also be able to help advise you on some positions to try if there is associated pain and what to do if this occurs.
Painful sex post-pregnancy and ways it can be managed
It doesn’t matter the type of sex you’re having, whether its solo or with a partner, painful sex can occur at any time.
“It is still seen as taboo to say that sex hurts and most people see it as them not being ready or it’s just them. The truth is that there are many causes for painful sex and all of them should be addressed,” Alex says.
“If we focus on painful sex just post-pregnancy that was not there before, then we have to address a few considerations:
- Pelvic floor – almost every question comes back to the pelvic floor in one way or another. Managing a reactive pelvic floor post-birth can greatly help to reduce painful sex, this type of pain is commonly known as vaginismus. There are multiple ways in which to help correct vaginismus. Seeing a physio to help learn to relax your pelvic floor is essential and they may like to use other muscle relaxation techniques such as internal release, TENS and could recommend the use of vaginal dilators.
- Post-episiotomy – if you’ve had tearing and required stitches or had an episiotomy then its natural that there will be increased sensitivity as the body heals. This newly healed tissue will need time to adapt to the pressures of intercourse. If you do find this occurs then a gentle perineal massage can really help.
- Emotion, exhaustion and stress – not all causes of painful sex are physical, it is also really important to address the emotional aspects of intercourse if there is pain associated. Birth trauma, a loss of libido and just sheer exhaustion can all result in painful intercourse. The best way to manage this is to discuss it with your partner, a psychologist or a sexologist and start to utilise masturbation to bring back some of your sexual desire.”
Other postnatal advice
Sex after pregnancy is just as fantastic as it was before pregnancy.
“Sex after pregnancy in many cases can be even more enjoyable as you tend to have reduced inhibitions and a desire for increased intimacy due to the new constraints that family life places on you,” Alex says.
“The most important aspects to remember can be summed up simply:
- Time – take as long as you need to get back into sex. Remember, not all sex has to end in intercourse and penetration. Mutual masterbation, oral sex, anal sex and the use of toys all help to build you back up to a full and healthy sexual relationship.
- Guidelines – set boundaries and expectations and most importantly don’t be too hard on yourself. If prior to giving birth you were enjoying a nightly romp chances are that will all change once the baby comes along, so reset your expectations. Focus on learning how to make time for each other and also understand that sometimes the mood just won’t be there. Ensure your partner knows that things can change rapidly, but also remember that it is important to keep the lines of sexual communication open and to try other ways of intimacy if intercourse is still not possible.
- Lube – and lots of it. Find one that works for you and use more than you think you need. Trust me, you’ll never look back.
- Pelvic floor – focusing on regaining pelvic floor strength usually falls to the wayside as family life takes over, but remember it’s not just about now, it’s about your future. You want to keep a strong pelvic floor for future pregnancies, preventing continence, and prolapse issues in the future, reducing the risk of back pain and remember strong pelvic floor muscles make for better sex.
- Have fun – sex is meant to be fun, so enjoy it. If you find you are having issues with intimacy, then there are always people to talk to and if you are having pain there is a solution.”
