Navigating the world of dating can be challenging in the modern world of love. While some say chivalry is dead and that we are in the era of friends with benefits, sexting and booty calls, the dating game is still very much on.
First date jitters, butterflies in your stomach, heart pounding, adrenaline rushing. These are all feelings that can be fun if the date works out; not so much fun when they lead to rejection. But they are an essential part of finding the elusive one.
The early days of a relationship can be one of the very best parts of the whole love thing. With perks including fun dates, flirty banter and late night conversations. As scary as it is, try to enjoy it because the fresh love bubble feeling won’t last forever.
So how do you conquer the dating scene?
Dating Tips
Whether you’ve got a date coming up, want to be prepared for future dates or are just intrigued by all things dating, here is what you need to know.
How to meet someone
The age-old dilemma of ‘I’ll be single forever because I’ll never meet someone’. Luckily for you dating apps are now a thing and you should be taking advantage. I know, dating apps can have a bad reputation but the success stories prove they work.
Wanting to go a more organic route? Try joining a group sport, take up a hobby (that involves other people obviously), say yes to group activities or events, or take a new class.
Just remember it is all well and good to be on the dating apps or put yourself in a position where you can meet new people but you also have to put in the hard work. Say hello, share your number, swap socials, whatever it takes.
It is one thing to be surrounded by new people and dating opportunities but another to be proactive in those circumstances. Someone won’t just trip and fall into your lap (unless they do and then you are definitely the exception to the rule).
Making the first move
You’ve met someone, you think there could be potential, but what next? Asking someone out puts your heart and ego on the line and it can be super scary. I think it is best to remember that you can never get a yes unless you ask and the worst thing that can happen is you get a no and you move on to bigger and better things. And, as they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
So I say go for it. Ask that person out and see where the journey takes you.
Getting ready for the date
Giving yourself plenty of time to get ready is a big must. The added pressure of not being able to find a date appropriate outfit (I suggest having a go-to outfit in your wardrobe as your first date look at all times), searching for your keys and getting lost enroute to the venue are all things that can make you late, which you don’t want to be. Plus, the added stress of running late will do nothing for the adrenaline already coursing through your body.
Give yourself plenty of time to relax and get ready so you can stress less and enjoy the process more.
How to shake the first date jitters
A racing heart, sweaty palms and butterflies in your stomach are all first date symptoms. And let’s be real, first dates can be nerve racking.
I recommend putting that extra adrenaline pre-date to good use. Doing a sweat sesh, tidying up your house or calling a friend are all good distraction techniques that can help you shake off those nerves.
And when it doubt, dance it off. Yes, literally put on a banger and dance around your living room, bedroom, backyard, whatever makes you comfortable. The burst of energy will calm your nerves and quiet your mind.
Some would suggest getting a little extra help from liquid courage, but proceed with caution as you don’t want to turn up sloshed.
Safety first
Please take note. If this is a total stranger you’ve met on the internet or some random at a bar make sure you meet in a public and well populated space. Restaurants, pubs, mini golf and bowling are all great options if you’re stuck for ideas.
I would also recommend not giving out your address. I know it is sweet if they want to pick you up but also not great if that date is a total flop and you are either relying on them taking you home or end up feeling unsafe in your house because they know where you live.
Also best to let a friend or family member know where you are and who you are with, just in case. P.S. An excuse to leave if you feel unsafe or uncomfortable is never a bad idea.
Who pays on the first date
This one is definitely determined on a couple by couple basis and what you’re both comfortable with.
Playing it by ear and reading the scenario is your best option. In my opinion it never hurts to offer to pay or split the bill, but each to their own.
The three-day rule
Rules are overrated and this one in particular you can throw in the bin. If you like someone why the hell would you make them wait? Not only does it cause anxiety but they could be off finding better options while they wait on your text or call.
If the date was a disaster
Yes the gut reaction might be to ghost immediately or let it fizzle out (definitely have been guilty of this one). But be the bigger person – honesty is the best policy. If you’re not interested don’t waste anyone’s time, be upfront with them and move on.
What to do if you are ghosted
You’ve been ghosted, your ego is hurt, the rejection is real and you’re potentially feeling angry and desperate. The impulse is to reach out or lash out but you’re better off to keep your dignity and let it go.
You don’t want to force someone to be in your life. If they want to be in your life they will be, and if they don’t want to be then good riddance.
Feel like getting revenge? The best form of revenge is being happy and moving on with your life. Yes it may hurt for a little while, but when in doubt fake it ‘til you make it.
Try not to take it personally, it usually says a lot more about them than it does you and remember how you feel now next time you plan to ghost someone.
Acknowledging red flags
Red flags should be an automatic no-go zone. Trust your gut and instincts on this one and as soon as those red flags start popping up (especially in the early days) I recommend you have a serious think. Try asking yourself: Are these red flags likely to cause an issue in a long-term relationship? How do these red flags make me feel? Will this person work on these behaviours to make our relationship better?
Always start by talking about it with your partner or the new person in your life, but if these are pretty solid behaviours that aren’t budging anytime soon you might like to walk away sooner rather than later.
Some common red flags include:
- Alcohol or drug dependency
- Narcissism
- Lack of respect, trust and/or communication
- Controlling behaviours
- Treating you or others poorly
An easy way to quickly gauge someone’s character is to watch how your date treats not only you but others in the date situation, whether that be wait staff, servers or an Uber driver.
Don’t forget to have fun
Yes, dates can be intimidating and scary but they are also supposed to be fun! Usually they involve yummy food and fun activities, which is a win in my books.
Consent
Before you go any further, let me introduce you to the best video I have ever seen about consent, you can thank me later. Watch it here and come back, I’ll wait.
OK now that you’ve watched that I’ll get on with the important stuff.
Consent is a super critical part of dating and hook-up culture, and something we probably don’t talk about enough. It is an agreement between people who engage in sexual activity whether that be holding hands and hugging all the way through to intercourse.
Having honest and open communication about what you and the other person are comfortable with is a key part of this. And whatever this conversation leads to, you need to be respectful of each other’s wishes and boundaries.
No means no, but also not saying no doesn’t mean consent either. If someone is unsure, stays silent, doesn’t respond, is intimidated or scared, changes their mind or is under the influence of drugs or alcohol you need to take that as a no. Consent must be a clear and unwavering yes that is mutual, freely given, informed, certain, enthusiastic, reversible, specific and ongoing.
Yep, I said ongoing, it is also important to get consent every time. Just because someone consented previously does not mean they will continue to consent.
Article
The guidebook to dating and consent
Navigating the world of dating can be challenging in the modern world of love. While some say chivalry is dead and that we are in the era of friends with benefits, sexting and booty calls, the dating game is still very much on.
First date jitters, butterflies in your stomach, heart pounding, adrenaline rushing. These are all feelings that can be fun if the date works out; not so much fun when they lead to rejection. But they are an essential part of finding the elusive one.
The early days of a relationship can be one of the very best parts of the whole love thing. With perks including fun dates, flirty banter and late night conversations. As scary as it is, try to enjoy it because the fresh love bubble feeling won’t last forever.
So how do you conquer the dating scene?
Dating Tips
Whether you’ve got a date coming up, want to be prepared for future dates or are just intrigued by all things dating, here is what you need to know.
How to meet someone
The age-old dilemma of ‘I’ll be single forever because I’ll never meet someone’. Luckily for you dating apps are now a thing and you should be taking advantage. I know, dating apps can have a bad reputation but the success stories prove they work.
Wanting to go a more organic route? Try joining a group sport, take up a hobby (that involves other people obviously), say yes to group activities or events, or take a new class.
Just remember it is all well and good to be on the dating apps or put yourself in a position where you can meet new people but you also have to put in the hard work. Say hello, share your number, swap socials, whatever it takes.
It is one thing to be surrounded by new people and dating opportunities but another to be proactive in those circumstances. Someone won’t just trip and fall into your lap (unless they do and then you are definitely the exception to the rule).
Making the first move
You’ve met someone, you think there could be potential, but what next? Asking someone out puts your heart and ego on the line and it can be super scary. I think it is best to remember that you can never get a yes unless you ask and the worst thing that can happen is you get a no and you move on to bigger and better things. And, as they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
So I say go for it. Ask that person out and see where the journey takes you.
Getting ready for the date
Giving yourself plenty of time to get ready is a big must. The added pressure of not being able to find a date appropriate outfit (I suggest having a go-to outfit in your wardrobe as your first date look at all times), searching for your keys and getting lost enroute to the venue are all things that can make you late, which you don’t want to be. Plus, the added stress of running late will do nothing for the adrenaline already coursing through your body.
Give yourself plenty of time to relax and get ready so you can stress less and enjoy the process more.
How to shake the first date jitters
A racing heart, sweaty palms and butterflies in your stomach are all first date symptoms. And let’s be real, first dates can be nerve racking.
I recommend putting that extra adrenaline pre-date to good use. Doing a sweat sesh, tidying up your house or calling a friend are all good distraction techniques that can help you shake off those nerves.
And when it doubt, dance it off. Yes, literally put on a banger and dance around your living room, bedroom, backyard, whatever makes you comfortable. The burst of energy will calm your nerves and quiet your mind.
Some would suggest getting a little extra help from liquid courage, but proceed with caution as you don’t want to turn up sloshed.
Safety first
Please take note. If this is a total stranger you’ve met on the internet or some random at a bar make sure you meet in a public and well populated space. Restaurants, pubs, mini golf and bowling are all great options if you’re stuck for ideas.
I would also recommend not giving out your address. I know it is sweet if they want to pick you up but also not great if that date is a total flop and you are either relying on them taking you home or end up feeling unsafe in your house because they know where you live.
Also best to let a friend or family member know where you are and who you are with, just in case. P.S. An excuse to leave if you feel unsafe or uncomfortable is never a bad idea.
Who pays on the first date
This one is definitely determined on a couple by couple basis and what you’re both comfortable with.
Playing it by ear and reading the scenario is your best option. In my opinion it never hurts to offer to pay or split the bill, but each to their own.
The three-day rule
Rules are overrated and this one in particular you can throw in the bin. If you like someone why the hell would you make them wait? Not only does it cause anxiety but they could be off finding better options while they wait on your text or call.
If the date was a disaster
Yes the gut reaction might be to ghost immediately or let it fizzle out (definitely have been guilty of this one). But be the bigger person – honesty is the best policy. If you’re not interested don’t waste anyone’s time, be upfront with them and move on.
What to do if you are ghosted
You’ve been ghosted, your ego is hurt, the rejection is real and you’re potentially feeling angry and desperate. The impulse is to reach out or lash out but you’re better off to keep your dignity and let it go.
You don’t want to force someone to be in your life. If they want to be in your life they will be, and if they don’t want to be then good riddance.
Feel like getting revenge? The best form of revenge is being happy and moving on with your life. Yes it may hurt for a little while, but when in doubt fake it ‘til you make it.
Try not to take it personally, it usually says a lot more about them than it does you and remember how you feel now next time you plan to ghost someone.
Acknowledging red flags
Red flags should be an automatic no-go zone. Trust your gut and instincts on this one and as soon as those red flags start popping up (especially in the early days) I recommend you have a serious think. Try asking yourself: Are these red flags likely to cause an issue in a long-term relationship? How do these red flags make me feel? Will this person work on these behaviours to make our relationship better?
Always start by talking about it with your partner or the new person in your life, but if these are pretty solid behaviours that aren’t budging anytime soon you might like to walk away sooner rather than later.
Some common red flags include:
An easy way to quickly gauge someone’s character is to watch how your date treats not only you but others in the date situation, whether that be wait staff, servers or an Uber driver.
Don’t forget to have fun
Yes, dates can be intimidating and scary but they are also supposed to be fun! Usually they involve yummy food and fun activities, which is a win in my books.
Consent
Before you go any further, let me introduce you to the best video I have ever seen about consent, you can thank me later. Watch it here and come back, I’ll wait.
OK now that you’ve watched that I’ll get on with the important stuff.
Consent is a super critical part of dating and hook-up culture, and something we probably don’t talk about enough. It is an agreement between people who engage in sexual activity whether that be holding hands and hugging all the way through to intercourse.
Having honest and open communication about what you and the other person are comfortable with is a key part of this. And whatever this conversation leads to, you need to be respectful of each other’s wishes and boundaries.
No means no, but also not saying no doesn’t mean consent either. If someone is unsure, stays silent, doesn’t respond, is intimidated or scared, changes their mind or is under the influence of drugs or alcohol you need to take that as a no. Consent must be a clear and unwavering yes that is mutual, freely given, informed, certain, enthusiastic, reversible, specific and ongoing.
Yep, I said ongoing, it is also important to get consent every time. Just because someone consented previously does not mean they will continue to consent.
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